I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
