Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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