You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
