u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
