just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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