but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
