Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
