I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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