You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
