I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
