I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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