It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
