i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
