no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
