My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
