once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
the day after is always just damage control
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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