Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
