I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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