so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
