Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
