is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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