the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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