took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
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