Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
