my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Randomize
