so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
