Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
