Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
COCAINE IS GR8
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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