dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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