Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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