At least make sure they are 18
Why
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
