nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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