I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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