After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
