insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
