the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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