gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
They should really pass out barf bags in church
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
