I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You have to summon your inner elephant
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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