Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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