Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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