She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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