I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
