Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
