its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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