I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
