why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
