if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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