thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
accomplished twins. life is a go
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
