SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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