Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
